Do you tell off your Mom?
May 30, 2008
What happens when you think your own Mom doesn’t like….well doesn’t “appreciate” your child.
My daughter is 2.5 and very much into the terrible twos, not all the time but she has her moments.
My mom is 62 and very much into the grumpy impatient no time for SOME kids 60’s.
My mother is constantly telling me I spoil my daughter and I let her run all over me and she rules my world. Anytime my kid does something that my mom thinks is bad I get “oh looks who wins again” or “whose the boss here” or “she knows how to push your buttons and win” god the list of slams goes on.
I know when to punish my kid – time outs work really well for us but it never seems to be enough for my mom. If my daughter – let’s call her “N” puts all the toys on the floor to play at Moms house – my Mom nearly has a heart attack, acting as if N has just destroyed the universe and it will be all Grandmaws responsibility to pull it back together. “Oh there she goes again GOSH”. Friggin toys MOM!!!
Now when it comes to my 6 month old son “D” she’s in love. The world revolves around him and she is constantly telling him this. “You are the most beautiful baby in the world” “”Perfection” all infront of N. Mom is always telling me that kids are very smart and they can pick up on how YOU feel about them….so I should always be aware of how I act infront of them. NO SHIT MOM? Do you ever wonder why N won’t hug you? You are constantly giving her shit, you drool all over her brother and not her and you are constantly telling me what I’m doing wrong?
Now I don’t think my Mom does this intentionally, but she actually now gets offended when N won’t hug her and throws her head back like a 10 year old and walks away saying “nevermind she doesn’t ever hug me she doesn’t like me” She told me she and my Dad think N is cold.. can you imagine? Like why are you telling me this can’t you just fake it??
I’m sure I haven’t articulated this correctly because it’s 11:32pm and I should have my sorry ass in bed cause lack of sleep will kill me very soon – but I’m starting to feel very hurt by how my Mom is treating me and my N. I don’t know how or even if I should bother telling her because she knows best. Do you argue with a 60 year old?
The sickest past is I have already told off my MIL for doing the exact opposite (loving N and not D).
MIL told me while I was prego that she won’t be able to love D as much because she loves N soooo much (she’s demented…it’ll take a while to explain)
So do I tell Mom? ugh.
I definitely think you should tell her. And maybe not in an angry ‘tell her off’ kinda way but more in a ’sit down and discuss’ way. I’d say, “I appreciate that you’re the grandma and have lots of experience to draw on but I’m going to raise my kids the way I feel comfortable and if that means you think they’re acting like brats feel free to bitch to your friends about it but what I’m asking for from you is unwavering support to my face – tell me I’m doing a great job even if you don’t think that’s true because that’s what I need to hear from you” AND definitely I would say, “I don’t know if you’re aware of it so I’m just telling you this because if it was me I’d want to be told but you treat N sooo differently than you treat D and by your own admission kids pick up on these things and that’s why she never wants to hug you” I bet if your mom started acting like the sun shone out of N’s ass N would 1) be more responsive toward your mom and 2) act out less around her – she’s probably trying to get attention from your mom, too, ya know?
GAWD this is turning into a long comment but ALSO they’re 2. You can only ever expect certain behaviour from a 2 yr old. They’re NOT going to sit for hours and read books quietly by themselves. Sure, punish them with t/o or whatever if they’re being intentionally naughty but the way they learn is through cause and effect and they’ll try things just to see what happens (including pushing our buttons and acting like crazy people). As they get older you can put more and more expectations on them and discipline them accordingly when they act out but for now there is SERIOUSLY only so much you can punish/discipline without having them on a 24-hr-a-day timeout!
Whew.